![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theschmotoneThis is not an IC post. This is, in fact, rather silly.
But I couldn't get the idea of filling out Zeetha's sex survey IC as my other character. So I did, just for the hell of it.
THE VERY BASICS
1. What constitutes the act of sex?
Putting hyu eqvipment into zomevun elze und going at it.
2. Are there different types of sex? If so, describe them.
Vell, dere's sex vith vimmin und sex vith men. Hyu gots to be gentle vith most vimmin, 'cauze dey breaks easier den men. Und I haz only ever had sex vith vun odder man, zo I can only speak for dot. Iz...more violent und more freqvent den vhat hyu haz vith vimmin? Iz more fun dot vay, too, though.
MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS
1. List three myths or urban legends about sex or contraception you know are untrue.
Vell, about sex, I can answer! Just because it gives pleasure, dot doezn't mean iz a sin. Most vimmin don't gots teeth betveen deir legs. Und de voman izn't just a vessel for de man's seed--she gots zometing to do vith de birth of a baby too, but ve doezn't know just how it happens.
2. Can a woman get pregnant if she has sex during her period?
Yez, I has heard of it happening. Und vun who does iz more likely to have a baby vhat suffers from fits und seizures.
3. Can a woman get pregnant after she engages in anal intercourse?
No, not zo much.
4. Can a woman get pregnant if she has sex with a race of humanoid besides her own?
Vell, she certainly can if Ognian haz his vay vith her...
5. Is it possible for men to get pregnant?
*shudders* I sure hope not.
CONTRACEPTION
1. List all forms of contraception you are aware of.
Vell, dere iz de odder kind of sex, de vun dot von't get her pregnant. Beyond dot, iz not my problem.
2. Do you know what the effectiveness level of these contraceptives are? If they are used in combination?
Pretty goot, from vhat I know. Zeems to vork for de odder boys in de regiment.
3. Are you aware of any risks involved with their use?
Vell, de gorl might not vant dot kind of sex, und she might punch or kick hyu.
4. Do you know where to acquire any of these contraceptive devices?
...devices? I dunno vhat hyu's talking about. Dot's de voman's job, not mine. Iz her keed, after all. She iz not my vife, zo I haz no responsibility to her.
5. Who should you consult before using them?
Again, vhy iz dis asked as though I haz zometing to do vith it all?
SEXUAL DISEASES
1. What is a sexual disease? How are they spread?
A nasty infection vhat comes from paying de wrong whore to have hyu fon vith.
2. List any sexual diseases you are aware of.
Hyu know...haz been a very long time zince I haz had to vorry about dot. Can't really tink of any right now.
3. How can you prevent contracting these diseases, or minimize the risk of doing so?
Become a Jager! Iz vhat I did, und iz more survivable den zome of dose diseazes.
4. Are there any treatment options available?
Zee above.
MASTURBATION
1. Do you find the subject embarrassing? Why or why not?
*shrugs* I doesn't talk about it vith odder pipples all dot much. Iz none of deir buziness. Izn't embarrassing, though. Every guy does it. Vhatever.
2. How often do you engage in it? Do you think that is normal?
Not zo much as I used to dese days. I iz...pretty busy vith Maxim dese days. To be honest, in my spare time, I likes to do zometing odder den have sex all de time. Crazy, I know, huh? But iz pretty normal, ja.
3. Would you feel comfortable discussing the subject with any future romantic partners?
Vell, I zeems to be pretty comfortable talking about it, und demonstrating it vith my current partner. Und he's very comfortable vith it vith me.
5. What are the benefits of masturbation? Are there any negatives?
Fon in hyu spare time, keeps hyu out of trouble vith de Generals vhen hyu vould rather be doing odder schtuff vith de person hyu's having fon vith, und nize und qvick vhen hyu needs it to be. Noting bad about it.
6. List any urban legends or myths you have heard about masturbation.
Dot iz a sin, all de usual tings about going blind or zome zuch like dot. I zay Gott vouldn't have given us arms long enough to reach if he hadn't vanted us to be doing it.
But I couldn't get the idea of filling out Zeetha's sex survey IC as my other character. So I did, just for the hell of it.
THE VERY BASICS
1. What constitutes the act of sex?
Putting hyu eqvipment into zomevun elze und going at it.
2. Are there different types of sex? If so, describe them.
Vell, dere's sex vith vimmin und sex vith men. Hyu gots to be gentle vith most vimmin, 'cauze dey breaks easier den men. Und I haz only ever had sex vith vun odder man, zo I can only speak for dot. Iz...more violent und more freqvent den vhat hyu haz vith vimmin? Iz more fun dot vay, too, though.
MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS
1. List three myths or urban legends about sex or contraception you know are untrue.
Vell, about sex, I can answer! Just because it gives pleasure, dot doezn't mean iz a sin. Most vimmin don't gots teeth betveen deir legs. Und de voman izn't just a vessel for de man's seed--she gots zometing to do vith de birth of a baby too, but ve doezn't know just how it happens.
2. Can a woman get pregnant if she has sex during her period?
Yez, I has heard of it happening. Und vun who does iz more likely to have a baby vhat suffers from fits und seizures.
3. Can a woman get pregnant after she engages in anal intercourse?
No, not zo much.
4. Can a woman get pregnant if she has sex with a race of humanoid besides her own?
Vell, she certainly can if Ognian haz his vay vith her...
5. Is it possible for men to get pregnant?
*shudders* I sure hope not.
CONTRACEPTION
1. List all forms of contraception you are aware of.
Vell, dere iz de odder kind of sex, de vun dot von't get her pregnant. Beyond dot, iz not my problem.
2. Do you know what the effectiveness level of these contraceptives are? If they are used in combination?
Pretty goot, from vhat I know. Zeems to vork for de odder boys in de regiment.
3. Are you aware of any risks involved with their use?
Vell, de gorl might not vant dot kind of sex, und she might punch or kick hyu.
4. Do you know where to acquire any of these contraceptive devices?
...devices? I dunno vhat hyu's talking about. Dot's de voman's job, not mine. Iz her keed, after all. She iz not my vife, zo I haz no responsibility to her.
5. Who should you consult before using them?
Again, vhy iz dis asked as though I haz zometing to do vith it all?
SEXUAL DISEASES
1. What is a sexual disease? How are they spread?
A nasty infection vhat comes from paying de wrong whore to have hyu fon vith.
2. List any sexual diseases you are aware of.
Hyu know...haz been a very long time zince I haz had to vorry about dot. Can't really tink of any right now.
3. How can you prevent contracting these diseases, or minimize the risk of doing so?
Become a Jager! Iz vhat I did, und iz more survivable den zome of dose diseazes.
4. Are there any treatment options available?
Zee above.
MASTURBATION
1. Do you find the subject embarrassing? Why or why not?
*shrugs* I doesn't talk about it vith odder pipples all dot much. Iz none of deir buziness. Izn't embarrassing, though. Every guy does it. Vhatever.
2. How often do you engage in it? Do you think that is normal?
Not zo much as I used to dese days. I iz...pretty busy vith Maxim dese days. To be honest, in my spare time, I likes to do zometing odder den have sex all de time. Crazy, I know, huh? But iz pretty normal, ja.
3. Would you feel comfortable discussing the subject with any future romantic partners?
Vell, I zeems to be pretty comfortable talking about it, und demonstrating it vith my current partner. Und he's very comfortable vith it vith me.
5. What are the benefits of masturbation? Are there any negatives?
Fon in hyu spare time, keeps hyu out of trouble vith de Generals vhen hyu vould rather be doing odder schtuff vith de person hyu's having fon vith, und nize und qvick vhen hyu needs it to be. Noting bad about it.
6. List any urban legends or myths you have heard about masturbation.
Dot iz a sin, all de usual tings about going blind or zome zuch like dot. I zay Gott vouldn't have given us arms long enough to reach if he hadn't vanted us to be doing it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-03-16 10:38 pm (UTC)ROTFL!! Oh, Dimo. Not that Jenka would disagree on that topic.
Also: women have something to do with the baby's birth? That's... not particularly novel information, even back when he was born. ;)
Masturbation: keeps hyu out ov trouble. This should be some sort of slogan. ;D
(about sex with men vs. women)
Date: 2009-03-16 10:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 12:21 pm (UTC)Iz hyu sure, zough?
*evil smirk*
;)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 03:49 pm (UTC)http://community.livejournal.com/theskytides/227937.html?thread=7927905#t7927905
no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 03:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 04:03 pm (UTC)*shudders*
no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 04:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 04:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 05:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 08:19 pm (UTC)Vell, I vas made to be a killing machine, not zomebody's papa.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-08 08:27 pm (UTC)(Why do I get the feeling someone's either lying or doesn't know himself very well? :P )
Ah, the way to stop Dimo dead in his tracks--the guilt trip. ;)
Date: 2009-04-08 10:52 pm (UTC)Just...vell, iz a scary idea, hyu knows?
Re: Ah, the way to stop Dimo dead in his tracks--the guilt trip. ;)
Date: 2009-04-09 05:27 am (UTC)Mebbe iz better for efferybody if hyu'z de pregnant vun after all.
Oh, the horror, the horror...
Date: 2009-04-09 05:30 am (UTC)but kids are cute! Could we get them some other way?
Date: 2009-04-09 05:47 am (UTC)Or mebbe hyu could kidnap some or sometink?
Depends on how much of a death wish Dimo has.
Date: 2009-04-09 05:55 am (UTC)how much, then? ;D
Date: 2009-04-09 06:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-09 02:39 pm (UTC)